Do not
touch
me
with
curious
fingertips
as
they
leave
a lasting
impression
on
Skin
as
delicate
as
mine.

If she could, would she?

Probably not, but she tells herself, whispers it like something she is afraid of being over heard saying, that she would.  Says she would, will, make it different, make it better, brighter, bolder. 

Then she sighs, laying her head back against the sweat stained pillow, feels the cold knot in her stomach and wonders if what they say is true, that we are just victims of ourselves. 

No more victim, she thinks and turns on her side, restless, bunching the covers between her legs and thinks fuck the fickle hand fate, if she knows, believes, why can’t she? 

Fear, she is afraid, afraid of the unknown – pain and disappoint has become a comfortable companion – it does not challenge or prod and to walk away from it…to walk away from the comfort of knowing…knowing how and when it will end…and risk…well…if she could, would she?  

Probably not, but still, she tells herself, tells herself it only takes once to be right as she kicks the covers off and pads silently across deep carpet to stand at the kitchen sink, running the tap water until it is cool. 

She runs her wrists under the water, fills a glass and takes a long drink while she stares out the window, just once…she thinks…sighs…drains the glass and goes back to bed to toss and turn and agonize about if she could, would she?

May be…

In the quiet wake
you touch me
delicate fingers
stroke my heart
soothing
easing
With whispers
you bring me hope
you lighten a heavy soul
With questions
you give me answers
the knowledge of what love
could be
what it should have been all along
You give me a gift more precious
that any other
you give
Yourself.

Eyes close
I feel you near
your arms around me
holding me through the darkness

I hear your voice
your words bringing me closer
Mending a shattered trust
I open my heart to you
wanting you to stay
afraid to hold on
afraid to feel your warmth.

Eyes open
I feel you near
holding my hand
fingers laced together
Your warmth is real

I hear your voice
soothing
Telling me the best is yet to be
I open my heart to you
swallowing back the fear.

I awake
and you are
still here

I watch you
sleep

and I know
your being here
is far more frightening
than waking up alone